Broke down in the shower today, but the tears wouldn’t come.
I recognize she is gone forever, but still, I am occasionally swept away by disbelief. There is something beyond emptiness. There is something beyond sadness. And there is something beyond grief. I do not know its name, but when it strikes it is all-consuming. My chest hurts. Clenched in agony, my face aches. And while I’m in this cavern of pain, the edges cannot be seen. All the oceans on the earth cannot contain this sense of loss.
I’ve returned to work. Being back with my colleagues feels good, and I view many of them as extended family. The breaks are difficult, however. During those times, I would routinely message A. And at the end of my shift, coming home is different. No A. here to greet me. No dinner waiting. Things will never be as they were.